N Is For Nil Points (Nil Pwa)

Press Passing

Getting Our Features in the News

‘Greetings and Unsolicitations!’

Thanks for dropping in.

Have you ever been published in the press? No? Well neither have I. The aim of this blog is to change that and share my experiences along the way.

If you like, you can try it with me and tell me how you are getting on.

So, it’s publish or be damned on here. Step by step we will try our hardest, our damndest, to understand it all, learn it all and write ourselves into the papers.

So I’ll make a promise. If I come across something I don’t understand or I think needs some explanation, I’ll tell it all on here. You can watch my struggles and then try it for yourself.

And you’ll probably be better at it than me.

N is for Nil Points

It cannot have escaped your notice, dear reader, that tonight is the Eurovision song Contest.

Declamatory: Bah and Pwa.

What are your memories of this annual European musical love in?

Here are mine – in no particular order.

• ‘Norway - nil points’. Pronounced ‘nil pwa’.
• Congratulations to Cliff Richard punching the air as he is singing ‘Power to All My Friends’. Wonder if he looks back on this nostalgically now?
• Some gits called ‘Lard’ from Finland dressed up as monsters singing rancid, so called, hard rock. Yeah right, boys.
• Them girls having their skirts ripped off to the lyric ‘and if you want to see some more…’
• Lots of men dressed as women. And not just on stage.
• Endless Ireland promos of tiny leprechauns, winsome wenches and blokes in green hats drinking Guinness.

‘United Kingdom…Nil Pwa…Royaume-Uni…Nil Pwa’ OK we get it, already. Thanks for nothing, Tony Blair

So will I be partaking of some prime time Norton tonight? Well no. Not on your nelly. I only mention it because ‘Nil Pwa’ is pretty much what I got in response to my carefully crafted letter to the editors of numerous local newspapers. I mean, come on guys, not even a ‘we’re a bit busy’ from the Hayle and St Ives advertiser?

Not much scope for ‘Congratulations’ here, then.

Nevertheless, I did get one response! Yes, yes I did, West Country journalists! From…wait for it…Scotland. Yes, an extremely busy journalist from an exceptionally important newspaper, ‘The Scotsman’ took time to pen his thinkings. Thank you Scotland. Please don’t leave us.

So here is the meat of it, then. How does it inform us of how unsolicited features might be considered for publication?

The Scotsman

Audience	Middle class professionals These are surveyed regularly and the information is used to inform advertising as opposed to editorial content. The audience want to read politics, crime, the arts, world news.
News Gathering	Journalist gathers news on a daily basis by speaking to contacts, attending conferences and events, submitting Freedom of Information requests and by checking board papers, parliamentary questions. Around half of what is written is ‘off-diary’, in that it is exclusive content which has been self-generated.
News generated by outside interests	Businesses can buy advertising space and advertorials. Much of what journalists write comes from press releases, but these can be from public sector bodies as well as private sector companies. Reporters have no power to commission or accept ideas. Occasionally news can come from tip offs. The News stories, particularly court stories or quirky lighter stuff.
Unsolicited Features	There is a style bible that writers would do well to be familiar with. Features are considered – these tend to be quirky and unusual pieces; perhaps stories from court cases.

This is incredibly helpful stuff and extremely kind of the journalist who took the time to answer the questionnaire. But also we need some ideas from journalist in the West Country, don’t we?

Maybe it is a case of not being loud enough; not being noticed, not kicking up enough? Maybe I have been too polite.

No – I think it is because what I’m saying does not interest the recipient. After all, I am, in effect sending out a mailshot. It has a noble purpose, to be sure; it has an educational remit, it is well intentioned – but it is a mailshot nevertheless. I’m asking something for nothing – an interview, or at the very least, time spent on filling in a questionnaire.

I am asking people to do something for my greater good. And what do we know about people?

To paraphrase Andy Maslen in ‘Write to Sell’ (Page 14 /15): Where people have no investment, either emotional or financial, they will not give a hoot about it, even if it is in effortlessly good English. You have to write for your reader and not yourself. The reader is all important. Offer them something.

Nothing have I to offer except a hapless smile, an outstretched hand, a … you see, there we go again, egotistical adjectives! Kill your darlings, kill your darlings!

So this time, I’ll do the following:

• Cut back the questionnaire to the bare essentials
• Focus on them
• Bribe them with talent, offer to write for free
• Wrap it up in a cheeky grin

Let’s try a different way.

Features For Free! Hello! My name is Pete and I’m a local writer with a growing reputation. I’d be very happy to contribute news and features to your paper for free. In order that I can get a feel for what you might want, perhaps you might fill in this very brief questionnaire - attached. It will take no more than five minutes. In doing so you will enable me to submit pieces that might be of interest to you. Thank you, Pete.

Well, it can do no harm. Can it?

If this fails, I’m going to talk to a journalist I know writes for the wretched newspaper. He is the school governor. He has to talk to me ;)

Well – fingers crossed. We’ll talk again soon.

‘Cornwall…Nil Pwa…Cornouailles…Nil Pwa’

The Letter Challenge

Another way of getting published in the press is, of course, to write to their letters page. I challenge you to write, once a week, to see how long it takes. Your letter must come in at 100 words. Please send successful letters to the Blog where I will publish the best ones.

For my part, I shall use suggestions from my two year old Grandson, Harley. This week he has been scratching his chicken spots

As we read, so we learn J

This Week: Chicken Pox

Dear Editor,

I write to warn your readers of a serious outbreak of chicken spots in Truro.

Not only is my body completely covered with unsightly pustulating and irksome itching sores, but also I have been told I am not allowed to go to school, swim or play near other children for the foreseeable future.

I notice that my Grandfather is not quite so eager to play trains with me, too and disinfects Thomas in bleach on a regular basis.

It is strongly my opinion that these cowardly vicious chickens, whoever they are, should be shot, plucked, bagged up and burnt before they can dispense any more of these spots to unsuspecting members of my playground.

I have the honour to remain, Sir, your humble and obedient servant…

T is for Them Trolls Who Should Write Better Letters

‘Greetings and Unsolicitations!’

Thanks for dropping in.

Have you ever been published in the press? No? Well neither have I. The aim of this blog is to change that and share my experiences with you along the way.

If you like, you can try it with me and tell me how you are getting on.

So, it’s publish or be damned on here. Step by step we will try our hardest, our damndest, to understand it all, learn it all and write ourselves into the papers.

So I’ll make a promise. If I come across something I don’t understand or I think needs some explanation, I’ll tell it all on here. You can watch my struggles and then try it for yourself.

And you’ll probably be better at it than me.

T is for Them Trolls Who Should Write Better Letters

Last Episode: Of Diaries and Ants

I have a confession to make to you: I have not sent any of Harley’s letters to the West Briton.

This evening, as we were kicking the punt-about in the garden, just before sundown, he looked at me and asked me about the ants: ‘Have the ants gone, Grandad?’  I told him that they were in bed and so should he be. Then cursed myself; I had not sent that letter and I never will.

But, how could I tell him? I could not bear to see his two year old face melt into disappointed tears like last week’s Sky Ray.

By sending in that letter, the editor of the West Briton might consider us the public nuisance and not the ants, flues and wasps. That was my dilemma. We might be considered – trolls.  And, in the end, being thought a troll was a risk I dare not take if I was ever to meet her.

Picture the situation; sitting across from her, a desk in between us and, as I delicately ask if she would consider a feature I had written, she would produce them. Our letters of spite and bile, evidence of our trolling. No, it could never be.

Instead of sending Harley’s complaints, therefore, I have busied myself with writing sombre questions and serious letters this week. Questions to ask the editor should I be granted an audience and, of course, the begging letter itself. In fact letters have been on my mind quite a lot this week.

As a teacher of English, I often am faced with the unenviable task of…well, teaching. Oh, the inconvenience, oh the heartache. Only this afternoon I was faced with teaching a wretched and recalcitrant group of year 10 boys the art of letter writing. You know, the format, the protocols, the conventions…until one boy gave up, farted loudly and said: ‘What the f*ck? I’ll just text or send an email’.

He had a point. When was the last time any of us actually sat down and composed a letter? It’s just not done.

I remember growing up; Christmas and birthdays being dominated by writing endless and formulaic thank you letters on ‘Notelets’ because there was less space to fill. Oh the agony and the ecstasy. Nowadays we’d just absentmindedly ‘like’ the person on Facebook. That will do. That will show enough effort.

So, bugger it. I sat down and instead of emailing the editor of West Briton, I wrote a very careful letter – sweated over it, you understand? Reproduced below. What do you think? Would that bowl a maiden over? It better had – still no nearer to being published.

Task accomplished, Harley and I lay on the carpet and discussed the sorts of questions we might ask in order to get published. This took longer that you might think. Harley favoured more topic based questions whereas I was trying to intellectually stimulate my virtual interviewee.

I offer you the chance to choose which questions should be used. Simply email us with your preference and I’ll do the rest.

PETE	HARLEY
How would you describe your target readership / audience?	Is Thomas or Gordon better?
Do you, as a publication, have any political affiliations?	Can I have Little Thomas for my birthday?
Which topics most interest the readers of the publication?	I need a Thomas playset.
Do you have many off-diary articles, stories, features?	Where are the ants?
What sort of unsolicited stories are more likely to be considered for publication?	Can we play football in the garden?

Harley admits that his third question is actually a declarative, but its heart is in the right place – a probing and apposite statement of intent.

So – the letter is sent. The questions are written. We await with anticipation the result. Even as I type this evening it is probably in the in-tray like a hot potato.

Next time I write, if I write, I will have the results for you. I could boil an egg I’m that excited.

See you soon I hope!!

Wonderful Words!
Advertorial	An advert disguising itself cunningly as an editorial feature – the swine.
Chief Sub	A very important journalist indeed – of the type we hope to interview.
Hack / Hackette	A jokey term for journalists. Not that we would ever troll or annoy these wonderful people.

The Letter Challenge

Another way of getting published in the press is, of course, to write to their letters page. I challenge you to write, once a week, to see how long it takes. Your letter must come in at 100 words. Please send successful letters to the Blog where I will publish the best ones.

For my part, I shall use suggestions from my two year old Grandson, Harley. This week he has mostly been worried about ants.

As we read, so we learn J

This Week: Squirrel Nutkin

Dear Editor,

My Grandfather and I are great fans of the books of Beatrix Potter. Although we haven’t bothered to check, we imagine she did not visit Cornwall when researching her seminal text, ‘Squirrel Nutkin’.

Why? I’ll tell you why. A damn great Cornish squirrel, this very evening, came into our garden, inconsiderately dug up a load of grass and did a dump where I play. Disgraceful behaviour indeed; it has besmeared the reputation of all squirrels. There was no reference, in ‘Squirrel Nutkin’, to any squirrels acting in this disgusting fashion.

Quite frankly, I’m appalled by Cornish squirrels. And so, I fear, would Ms Potter be.

Yours sincerely,

D is for Diaries

Last Episode: We Flirted in the Danger Zone of Local Press Audiences

Since that time we are no nearer to getting published. You haven’t told me of your successes and our letters have been passed over but editors lacking taste and discrimination – never mind, let’s press on.

Press on. *Chuckle*. No? Oh well, please yourselves.

Diaries.

Are they important? Well, I have been keeping one for years now. I tend to write a page each day – sometime longer if it’s been a brilliantly interesting day or the sound of my own voice in my head doesn’t drive me to despair. These days the entries are getting shorter. I don’t, as it were, enter nearly quite as much as I would like.

I suppose as a writer, diary writing does help you do that, cultivate your voice. If you know your voice, it’s easier to slip into personas that are not really you.

But it’s effort, isn’t it? Every day to sit down with a blank piece of paper and fill it with inky daubing. And I have a pile of books gathering dust on a shelf in my office.

I suppose I write in the hope that somebody might want, one day, to use them to dramatise my life…you know ‘Diary of a SuperAddick: The Wilderness Years.

To test what it might be like, I have selected a volume and page, totally at random and here reproduce it for you, slightly edited. What do you think?

Random Diary Entry.

Yes, you’re right. Dostoyevsky it ain’t. I don’t think this is going to get me published in the West Briton.

All this is by way of hedging before the real focus of the blog-entry: news diaries and how to use them. Some news genuinely happens or is a result of investigative journalism. These are called off-diary stories.

So, in that case, what are on-diary stories? Is there such a thing? Can the budding feature writer anticipate what might sell to a newspaper?

In the news room, the diary is an information storage system that journalists input events that might become news or make a story. Readers are also encouraged to submit forthcoming events that might be newsworthy. In this way, news can be anticipated.

I suppose we can help ourselves by doing something similar – look at trends, locate upcoming events and think of story or feature ideas.

Therefore, because I am working locally (and so are you) I will now search for forthcoming events at a local level. I know there’s an election coming and that William and Kate are having a baby, but I don’t think an article about the benefits of breastfeeding will make it past the reader, do you? No, we need traction engines, Cornish coasts and idiot tourists.

So, what’s ON in Cornwall? Or rather, what will BE on?
Drum Roll, Please:

EVENT	OUR ANGLE	FEATURE TO PITCH
Truro Circus Club Weekly classes to develop your circus skills in juggling, clowning and mime.	Q: Are clowns actually funny or is mime entertaining in any way at all? A: No	‘Barman! Make Mime a Clown!’ A humorous feature about mime artists and clowns doing the pub circuit.
Truro Cathedral Spring Event Church services at Truro Cathedral	Q: Should normal church services be called an event, really? A: No. Shameful publicity seeking.	‘Whoops, Vicar, Where’s Me Trousers?’ A humorous feature about parsons, frocks and the danger of scented candles
Luke Bond’s Organ Recitals Organist Luke Bond is playing his organ	Q: Should Luke Bond’s organ be appreciated by a wider audience? A: Of course. It’s fabulous.	‘Shaken Not Stirred – Bond’s Big Organ’ A humorous feature about organs, Luke Bond’s big one and Bond films that feature keyboard instruments.
Truro City Walk A 45 minute walk around Truro’s popular tourist attractions.	Q: 45 minutes – that long? A: Don’t be silly.	‘Truro City Walking: Oh My Soul!’ A humorous feature where we invite Archie Bell and The Drells to body-pop their way around the piazza.

I have to admit that I don’t find these particularly inspiring – but I guess it’s a start.

What I really need now is a sympathetic professional to cast his or her eye over the proposals and tell me if any have legs or stick-ability.

We’ve been coming to this – where we actually need to talk to somebody who actually knows their onions. So next time we’ll conjure up a list of questions and see if we can get an interview.

Wonderful Words!
Pitch	What the writer attempts to sell, the idea, the take on something. Needs to be pithy and short!
Feature	A reasonable long piece devoted to a particular topic; tends to be inspired by a current or recent news story.
Off-Diary (story)	Some spontaneous news or an article inspired by investigative journalism

The Letter Challenge

Another way of getting published in the press is, of course, to write to their letters page. I challenge you to write, once a week, to see how long it takes. Your letter must come in at 100 words. Please send successful letters to the Blog where I will publish the best ones.

For my part, I shall use suggestions from my two year old Grandson, Harley. This week he has mostly been worried about ants.

As we read, so we learn J

This Week: Ants in the Garden

Dear Editor,

Until recently, I have always been a fan of ants. Especially Adam and the Ants or Adam Ant as he later called himself.

However, the other day I was eating my ice lolly in the garden when a huge flying ant collided thoughtlessly with it. This rendered my Sky Ray inedible. Furthermore, I was so alarmed I then dropped it in a muddy puddle rendering it even more inedible.

Can’t the authorities do anything about menaces like these? One day it’s ants, then it’s flies and don’t get me started on wasps. Come on you boffins, protect the ice cream eating public against flying vermin now!

Yours sincerely,

I is for Issues in Issues

‘Greetings and Unsolicitations!’

Thanks for dropping in.

Have you ever been published in the press? No? Well neither have I. The aim of this blog is to change that and share my experiences with you along the way.

If you like, you can try it with me and tell me how you are getting on.

So, it’s publish or be damned on here. Step by step we will try our hardest, our damndest, to understand it all, learn it all and write ourselves into the papers.

So I’ll make a promise. If I come across something I don’t understand or I think needs some explanation, I’ll tell it all on here. You can watch my struggles and then try it for yourself.

And you’ll probably be better at it than me.

I is for Issues in Issues

Last Episode

Last time we thought about Audience. Have a look if you like.

Today we’ve skipped from letter A to letter I.

It should be ‘B is for…something’, but we go to I.  A to I: what connotations are conjured?

• A1 – London to Edinburgh, The Great North Road.
• Artificial Intelligence, the Spielberg film.
• Artificial Insemination – not really a topic for the breakfast table.

I should delete the above and start again but it is really difficult to ‘kill your darlings’.

Kill Your Darlings: This is a piece of advice attributed to either Ginsberg or Faulkner, who stated that in order to write well, no matter how much it hurts you, you should destroy your most precious phrases for the greater good of the piece.

Applies to writing copy for newspapers of course – the editor will detest lyricism. Also, blogs. By now, you’ve probably switched me off.

Damn, damn, damn.

TipTop: Don’t overuse exclamation marks in writing. Not approved of.

This Episode

Today we are going to look through the pages of West Briton. This is to see what issues are covered in the…issue. Last week’s Easter Special, in fact. This means it has the television listings included in it.

Last time out we thought that our writing needed to be targeting adults; male and female equally; aged15 – 54; skewed towards social class professional and managerial. By exploring the content we can see whether this is true, or not. It is not particularly scientific, I admit that, but worth a try. Also we might get a feel for the in house style of the publication.

So let’s have a flick to see what I can share with you. I’m not here to criticise…I’m here to comment objectively:

Well the typeface is an unfriendly serif font; not too easy on the eye at my age. Sorry, that was a judgement and not at all objective. Try again, Pearce.

Front Page

Headline: ‘No More Tea, Vicar’

Subhead: ‘Tea room owners call time after Diocese’s £20,000 request to lift alcohol ban.’

Byline: Caroline Chick

Content: Some people who own a tea room are closing it because they can’t sell alcohol due to archaic church rules. Well the angle here is definitely designed to appeal to locals, the word ‘diocese’ is unexplained and presupposes understanding, the church is involved….not exactly exciting, though. Great seasonal gag, however: by Caroline ‘Chick’. That’s an Easter joke, isn’t it? Chuckle.

It isn’t? Oh dear. Not doing very well here at all. This morning we are stopping and starting more frequently than a prime time episode of ‘The X Factor’.

Abandon ship and try a different method. I’ll open five pages at random and use the table below to summarise the findings.

Title	Peg	Content	Angle	Comment
‘Put nature at the heart of this year’s national poll’	General Election	Use debate and votes in run up to election to raise profile of conservation	Importance of green policies in Cornwall	Simple piece with obvious bias towards green issues. Will appeal to local adults with disposable income. Information about support and website given.
‘Duncan Smith: Cornwall has cause to thank Conservatives’	General Election	Visit of Ian Duncan Smith to Redruth area	Conservatives have boosted local economy through business policies	Dull piece about visit of Tory to factory. Bias is obvious but it is attributed to IDS. However, little in the way of balance?
‘Motorist fuming as car locked in to multi-storey’	None, really.	Wadebridge man has to pay £30 pounds to have car released from locked car park.	New car parking locking regime’s inadequate notices.	More like it! Lots going on here – the man is from Wadebridge, does not understand Truro ways. He’s an ‘out-of-towner’. There’s a plug for the Truro Theatre (HFC). Also a pop at the council.
‘Trelawny Shout on St Piran’s Day raises £8000’	St Piran’s Day	People in pubs sing the Cornish anthem on St Piran’s Day to raise money.	Cornish raising money for Cornwall	Patriotic story shows how Cornish care for Cornwall and can help. Includes drinkers in ‘London and Ireland’. The success of raising eight grand will mean it now becomes a national event.
‘Planet Poldark is fascinating – but not Cornwall as we know it’	New Poldark on TV (Letter to Editor)	Reader review of BBC’s Poldark	TV version of Cornwall is for tourists only; locals know better.	The writer of this pretentious stuff should learn to ‘kill his darlings’. Or it is a mockery. You must read it and judge for yourself J http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1P2-37815899.html

There we have it. Five totally random selections from the news in the paper. I avoided the sport / entertainment and listings sections.

What have we got?

It’s stating the obvious, but we’re looking for features that highlight Cornwall, particularly Truro. The angles suggest a bias towards celebrating the uniqueness of the Cornish culture. Nothing particularly political or controversial in these stories but there wasn’t much counterweight to the IDS story. The Green story was written by a conservation spokesperson. The copy is written for adults, local people but there are family interest stories too. It’s just that the randomizer didn’t chance on these.

Conclusion

As we might guess, we’re probably writing for middle to top income Cornish people of both genders: nothing serious, nothing dangerous (Vorg).

Next Time

I don’t know. We could explore the idea of a news diary or perhaps the construction of a feature. Exciting, isn’t it?

Wonderful Words!
Peg	The event that inspires the news story
Angle	The writer’s take or slant on the story
(In) House Style	The approved style for a particular publication. Guidelines for writers.
Byline	The writer of the story’s name

The Letter Challenge

Another way of getting published in the press is, of course, to write to their letters page. I challenge you to write, once a week, to see how long it takes. Your letter must come in at 100 words. Please send successful letters to the Blog where I will publish the best ones.

For my part, I shall use suggestions from my two year old Grandson, Harley.

As we read, so we learn J

This Week: Easter Chocolate

Dear Editor,

I was extremely alarmed and irritated to discover that chocolate Easter eggs are on sale at half price or less in local Truro supermarkets.

At best this is irresponsible retailing, at worst an assault on Cornish teeth.

We here in Cornwall should protect our teeth at all costs. And believe me, it does cost a lot to visit the dentist these days. We would save money by eating less eggs and preventing tooth decay.

I remember when Cornish dentists were free. Some might say it’s a disgrace that toothless London politicians impose these tooth taxes on the South West.

Say no to Easter chocolate and hollow teeth!

Yours sincerely,