N Is For Nil Points (Nil Pwa)

Press Passing

Getting Our Features in the News

‘Greetings and Unsolicitations!’

Thanks for dropping in.

Have you ever been published in the press? No? Well neither have I. The aim of this blog is to change that and share my experiences along the way.

If you like, you can try it with me and tell me how you are getting on.

So, it’s publish or be damned on here. Step by step we will try our hardest, our damndest, to understand it all, learn it all and write ourselves into the papers.

So I’ll make a promise. If I come across something I don’t understand or I think needs some explanation, I’ll tell it all on here. You can watch my struggles and then try it for yourself.

And you’ll probably be better at it than me.

N is for Nil Points

It cannot have escaped your notice, dear reader, that tonight is the Eurovision song Contest.

Declamatory: Bah and Pwa.

What are your memories of this annual European musical love in?

Here are mine – in no particular order.

• ‘Norway - nil points’. Pronounced ‘nil pwa’.
• Congratulations to Cliff Richard punching the air as he is singing ‘Power to All My Friends’. Wonder if he looks back on this nostalgically now?
• Some gits called ‘Lard’ from Finland dressed up as monsters singing rancid, so called, hard rock. Yeah right, boys.
• Them girls having their skirts ripped off to the lyric ‘and if you want to see some more…’
• Lots of men dressed as women. And not just on stage.
• Endless Ireland promos of tiny leprechauns, winsome wenches and blokes in green hats drinking Guinness.

‘United Kingdom…Nil Pwa…Royaume-Uni…Nil Pwa’ OK we get it, already. Thanks for nothing, Tony Blair

So will I be partaking of some prime time Norton tonight? Well no. Not on your nelly. I only mention it because ‘Nil Pwa’ is pretty much what I got in response to my carefully crafted letter to the editors of numerous local newspapers. I mean, come on guys, not even a ‘we’re a bit busy’ from the Hayle and St Ives advertiser?

Not much scope for ‘Congratulations’ here, then.

Nevertheless, I did get one response! Yes, yes I did, West Country journalists! From…wait for it…Scotland. Yes, an extremely busy journalist from an exceptionally important newspaper, ‘The Scotsman’ took time to pen his thinkings. Thank you Scotland. Please don’t leave us.

So here is the meat of it, then. How does it inform us of how unsolicited features might be considered for publication?

The Scotsman

Audience	Middle class professionals These are surveyed regularly and the information is used to inform advertising as opposed to editorial content. The audience want to read politics, crime, the arts, world news.
News Gathering	Journalist gathers news on a daily basis by speaking to contacts, attending conferences and events, submitting Freedom of Information requests and by checking board papers, parliamentary questions. Around half of what is written is ‘off-diary’, in that it is exclusive content which has been self-generated.
News generated by outside interests	Businesses can buy advertising space and advertorials. Much of what journalists write comes from press releases, but these can be from public sector bodies as well as private sector companies. Reporters have no power to commission or accept ideas. Occasionally news can come from tip offs. The News stories, particularly court stories or quirky lighter stuff.
Unsolicited Features	There is a style bible that writers would do well to be familiar with. Features are considered – these tend to be quirky and unusual pieces; perhaps stories from court cases.

This is incredibly helpful stuff and extremely kind of the journalist who took the time to answer the questionnaire. But also we need some ideas from journalist in the West Country, don’t we?

Maybe it is a case of not being loud enough; not being noticed, not kicking up enough? Maybe I have been too polite.

No – I think it is because what I’m saying does not interest the recipient. After all, I am, in effect sending out a mailshot. It has a noble purpose, to be sure; it has an educational remit, it is well intentioned – but it is a mailshot nevertheless. I’m asking something for nothing – an interview, or at the very least, time spent on filling in a questionnaire.

I am asking people to do something for my greater good. And what do we know about people?

To paraphrase Andy Maslen in ‘Write to Sell’ (Page 14 /15): Where people have no investment, either emotional or financial, they will not give a hoot about it, even if it is in effortlessly good English. You have to write for your reader and not yourself. The reader is all important. Offer them something.

Nothing have I to offer except a hapless smile, an outstretched hand, a … you see, there we go again, egotistical adjectives! Kill your darlings, kill your darlings!

So this time, I’ll do the following:

• Cut back the questionnaire to the bare essentials
• Focus on them
• Bribe them with talent, offer to write for free
• Wrap it up in a cheeky grin

Let’s try a different way.

Features For Free! Hello! My name is Pete and I’m a local writer with a growing reputation. I’d be very happy to contribute news and features to your paper for free. In order that I can get a feel for what you might want, perhaps you might fill in this very brief questionnaire - attached. It will take no more than five minutes. In doing so you will enable me to submit pieces that might be of interest to you. Thank you, Pete.

Well, it can do no harm. Can it?

If this fails, I’m going to talk to a journalist I know writes for the wretched newspaper. He is the school governor. He has to talk to me ;)

Well – fingers crossed. We’ll talk again soon.

‘Cornwall…Nil Pwa…Cornouailles…Nil Pwa’

The Letter Challenge

Another way of getting published in the press is, of course, to write to their letters page. I challenge you to write, once a week, to see how long it takes. Your letter must come in at 100 words. Please send successful letters to the Blog where I will publish the best ones.

For my part, I shall use suggestions from my two year old Grandson, Harley. This week he has been scratching his chicken spots

As we read, so we learn J

This Week: Chicken Pox

Dear Editor,

I write to warn your readers of a serious outbreak of chicken spots in Truro.

Not only is my body completely covered with unsightly pustulating and irksome itching sores, but also I have been told I am not allowed to go to school, swim or play near other children for the foreseeable future.

I notice that my Grandfather is not quite so eager to play trains with me, too and disinfects Thomas in bleach on a regular basis.

It is strongly my opinion that these cowardly vicious chickens, whoever they are, should be shot, plucked, bagged up and burnt before they can dispense any more of these spots to unsuspecting members of my playground.

I have the honour to remain, Sir, your humble and obedient servant…